Listen, We Are All Salespeople

If you are a salesperson, or have been, you are likely to view sales as a respectable profession with high earning potential. For some, though, the term “selling” may be reminiscent of a high pressure car purchase or being hounded by an independent life insurance salesman after a networking meeting. Today I suggest that we are all influencers … we are all salespeople.

Influencing others, and being influenced, is something we engage in daily. Whether we want to influence our friends’ voting, make a suggestion at work, be liked by a date or get hired by the interviewer, we are frequently (almost always?) engaged in a process of influence. Becoming more influential is not a license to “trick people into what we want them to do”, it is a meaningful opportunity to become a better communicator. Positive outcomes of influence include reducing conflict, improving relationships and facilitating better outcomes in our personal and professional lives for ourselves and others.

Below is a partial list of terms consistent with various models & techniques of selling and influence:

Advising
Assuring
Challenging
Closing
Coaching
Collaborating
Comforting
Commanding
Comparing
Confiding
Connecting
Consulting
Contrasting
Cooperating
Counseling
Developing
Directing
Disciplining
Eliciting
Encouraging
Engaging
Ensuring
Facilitating
Giving
Guiding
Honoring
Informing
Inspiring
Investigating
Inviting
Leading
Learning
Listening
Managing
Mentoring
Offering
Negotiating
Parenting
Presenting
Prioritizing
Probing
Proposing
Protecting
Questioning
Relating
Responding
Rewarding
Serving
Sharing
Suggesting
Summarizing
Teaching
Transforming
Trusting
Understanding



The words above can all be related to positive models and uses of influence. Unethical use of influence may be represented through terms such as threaten, intimidate, insult, coerce, mislead or trick. While there are certainly people who misuse opportunities to influence others, these approaches do not work over time; people who select these methods for short-term “wins” will fail long-term and be left with the destruction of their choices and potentially painful self-knowledge.

However, when using influence in positive ways, long term success can be the result. People with effective communication skills may intuitively adjust their language, word choice and social style as they find themselves in different situations. Similarly, people who have formal knowledge and experience adjust their approaches at conscious and subconscious levels. Others, who do not have an awareness of how to adjust to different types of interaction, may be left wondering why a conversation is deteriorating; often those who most need to improve their communication skills end up blaming the other person for the non-productive interaction.

I have been learning about selling processes, selling techniques, tactics and the science of influence for over 25 years and I am still learning; no matter how much we know about communication, there is always more to learn about ourselves, other people we meet and the multiple layers of variables that continue to interact within each unique conversation. Since the multitude of variables includes two or more ever changing individuals, we cannot perfectly master every conversation but we can make a choice to be proficient in almost all conversations. How?

Here is the good news about communicating; one skill that is consistently linked with communication success regardless of other variables involved is … listening. The most eloquent presentation, best grammar, most artful logic, most dynamic personality and the most subject knowledge may be less predictive of communication success than being “other-focused” and listening. This is the brilliance of Steven Covey’s 5th habit of highly effective people – seek first to understand, then to be understood. This suggests asking questions, actively engaging in the other person’s perspective … listening. That, in my opinion, is the most important skill related to influence.

Listen.
We are all salespeople
If you want to sell more, listen more.
If you want to influence others in positive ways, listen to them. Ask them questions. Learn from them.
If you want a better relationship, listen better.
If you want your team to become more productive, listen to your team members.
If you want the job offer, listen to the interviewer.
We are all salespeople.
Listen.






If you are interested in learning more about selling and influence, here are some sources to get started:


Influence: Science and Practice
By Robert Cialdini
and
Yes! 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive
By Robert Cialdini
* learn about empirically proven principles of influence along with examples of related tactics
* Dr. Cialdini, who just did his “Last Lecture” at Arizona State University on March 26th, is known around the world on the topic of “influence” – although he retired from ASU, he is still active in his company Influence at Work



The Science of Influence: How to get anyone to say “yes” in 8 minutes or less
By Kevin Hogan
* this book repeats some of Cialdini’s work, but is still worth reading


SPIN Selling
By Neil Rackham
* begin to see how different types of questions result in different outcomes
* there is a lot more to probing that open or close ended questions and this book is the tip of the iceberg

The Servant Leader
by James Autry
* learn about this people-focused, non-hierarchy form of leadership influence
* this is one of my favorite leadership books and it is quick to read


The Go-Giver
By Bob Burg and John David Mann
* a fictional reminder of how influential generosity can be


How to Communicate Workbook: Powerful Strategies for Effective Communication at Work and Home
By Martha Davis, Kim Paleg and Patrick Fanning
* I bought this on a bargain table at Borders so you may have to order it on-line now; it offers great exercises to assist with learning and demonstrating improved communication skills


People Skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others and resolve conflicts
By Robert Bolton
* this is a communication classic that I highly recommend!
* while I find some of the techniques in the book too Carl Rogers (Rogerian acceptance approach) for most daily interactions, this book teaches communication skills that are ideal for communicating with the most difficult people
* in other words, if two healthy people with good communication skills are interacting, many of these techniques would not be necessary; however, if one (or more) involved in the conversation is insecure, selfish or abusive then this book is absolutely necessary to study … one person can destroy the outcome of a conversation, but one good communicator can ensure their own personal standards are not compromised and they can be assured that they have done their personal best in working toward a positive outcome

7 Habits of Highly Effective People
By Steven Covey
* this is a great book to apply to all aspects of life ... in my opinion, seeking first to understand is its greatest lesson



Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking
By Malcolm Gladwell
* at first glance, this book may not seem to be about influence but because self-awareness and cognition are critical factors in influencing others and being influenced, I think that this book’s presentation of how we operate consciously and subconsciously is a worthwhile venture in an exploration of influence





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Success: Lou's 3 Questions Save Years of Research

Lou Holtz knows about losing streaks, winning seasons, withstanding criticism and honorably handling success; his story of coaching, leadership and personal conduct is now legendary. And, while my brothers can tell you lots of football stats related to his teams and players, what I’ve kept track of are Lou Holtz quotes.

Sometimes anecdotes are just anecdotes and other times, the right combination of words can speak effectively for volumes of empirical research and the consensus of topical thought leaders. Here is a Lou Holtz quote that I first heard during a speech he did in Phoenix many years ago – a quote that can represent a winning basis for personal and professional success:

There are three questions people need to be able to answer “yes” to before they will do business with me:


(1) can I trust you?


(2) are you committed to excellence?


(3) do you care about me?

~ Lou Holtz

Imagine a great leader you know - someone you trust, someone who is committed to excellence and cares for people. Imagine a friend, co-worker or mentor who you trust, who you know is committed to excellence and who cares about you. Now, imagine the alternative. Regardless of the definition of success you are pursuing, consider Lou’s advice offered through his questions:

Be trustworthy.
Be committed to excellence.
Be caring.


More Lou Holtz quotes to contemplate

It’s not my job to motivate players. They bring extraordinary motivation to our program. It’s my job not to de-motivate them.

Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.

Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.

I think everyone should experience defeat at least once during their career. You learn a lot from it.


A Commitment to Excellence leads to:
- focus on quality
- focus on results

I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions.

If you burn your neighbors house down, it doesn't make your house look any better.

No one has ever drowned in sweat.

Do right. Do your best. Treat others as you want to be treated.





Books by Lou Holtz

The Fighting Spirit (1988)

Winning Everyday: A Game Plan for Success (1998)
I read this one after I heard him speak – good, quick read!

Wins, Losses and Lessons (2006)





The Official Athletic Site of the University of Notre Dame

http://www.und.com/sports/m-footbl/spec-rel/050108aaa.html


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